Managing Expectations

Ministry time was over but I hung around. I didn't want to go home. There was an empty, gnawing feeling inside me. So I scanned the church hall, looking for someone, anyone I could pounce on and convince to have coffee, dinner, anything with me, as long as I didn't have to walk out of the hall, alone and disconnected. It took a while but I found someone. A friend of a friend. Ten minutes later, we were having dinner. It was nice. I had someone to talk to and for that brief time we were eating, the emptiness went away.

Managing expectations
I know I have many issues primary of which are these:

I have far too little faith. I do not do well in trials. In fact, I hate trials and tribulations and see them as pointless exercises that human beings must needless endure. It doesn't make me a good Christian (we're supposed to endure) and I feel guilty about it.

I just want to be happy and that's my problem. I accept that one cannot be happy all the time (please don't give me that joy is better than happiness stuff). I accept that life does not operate on a continuum but surely I'm allowed to want to be happy, or is that a crime?

My expectations are way too high. Instead of always hoping and believing that something wonderful is round the corner, I should fasten my seatbelt and make do, because that is what grown-ups do. People work because they have to, not because they necessarily love or even like what they do. Everything within me riles against this but I think it's time I grew up and faced reality.

There are other issues but these are the "biggies".

The future
Is shittingly scary. I don't want to look too far ahead because I'm afraid of what is there. So I toil away at my current job, counting down the days to my last day. I don't know what'll happen after that.

Managing expectations. That's what it's all about. It's taken me a while but I think I finally got it.