Monday 8 October 2007

Wanting More

Misery loves company. Sorry for the last couple of miserable posts. l am happy about many things but there are many other things that l am equally not happy about; my mum and being single which is why l blogged about those two.

I'll try and rein in my miserable thoughts. Actually, maybe not. This blog is meant to be about my journey and if l feel confused, happy or just plain shit, then l'll blog about it and get it off my chest. It is my blog.

Wanting more
Maybe there's something wrong with me. I really wished that l didn't have such a high sense of expectancy about life but l do. l keep on thinking and hoping that there must, indeed, be more to life than this. I don't mean something 'better' but something more, except l'm not sure what l mean by 'more'. If I die today, what would people say about me? Well, she woke up, went to work and on Sundays, she went to church and that's it. Is that a life? Or are my dreams and expectations unrealistic? Or, should l just make the best of what I have and stop being so infantile?

What is it that keeps us going? Not one day goes by that l don't look around my office and wish that l was elsewhere. When the clock strikes 5, l leap out of my chair and go to the tube station via a circuitous route so that l can get some fresh air and inject some life into my mind and spirit. And the next day, l'm back at my desk doing the same thing. Wanting more and asking God where l misplaced my getout clause.

There must be more to life than this. There must be.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pele dear such is life

I am 25 married have a great job loving husband happy marriage and all

Guess wot?
i feel exactly the way u are right now!am happy but theres obviously something missing.

I celebrated my 25th miserable i feel i have a mid life crises at this stage in life

Girl u think ure not happy because u single?let me tell u marriage wont fill that vacuum trust me

I always ask myself the same question wot is lacking?i shld be very fulfilled init?


U could start up some charity work and bless less privilaged ppl maybe what could make u snap out of this and give u some fulfilment like it does me

And get closer 2 God matbe thats the answer we are all looking for!

Pls be thankful for all u have and have achieved

May God bless u and give u wisdom!

Unknown said...

There is. Finding out what it is, is what makes life fun and mysterious. We can always set goals, the journey towards it makes life what living. The question is, what are you doing about it?

Okunrin meta

Jerusalem said...

That's just it. Setting goals, achieving it, doing stuff. Being busy. Is that all there to it? I realise how fortunate I am to have food, shelter,and all the rest of it, but then, I guess it's the human thing to do to keep on looking at the other side, always thinking the grass is greener there.

Thirty + said...

Anon is right I know so many married women who want the opportunity to be single again just to be carefree again.

I agree with Olu, life is not a destination but a journey. A journey to find out what you are created for.

It is ok to want more, you also need to define what that the MORE is because it is different for each individual.

UndaCovaSista said...

There's something soul destroying about doing an unfulfilling job day in day out. From reading your blog i know there are other things youre not happy about, but you spend at least 8hrs a day 5 days a week at your job. Perhaps you could consider leaving? After figuring out what you really want to do, perhaps step out in faith.

I was in the same situation as you some years back (still am in some ways), massive debts, bills to pay etc, but the daily frustration was just too much for me to bear after 3.5 years and so i handed in my notice without another job to go to. It was the best thing i ever did and God did show himself faithful. It was also one of the scariest things i've ever done, but it felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

PS (disclaimer)
Just a thought. Recommending that someone gives up, or even considers giving up their source of livelihood is not a responsible thing to do!