The Contemplative

I am at my most contemplative in the day time. It starts when I open my eyes and continues all the way through my work commute.

The question I've been asking myself recently is this, at which point do I wake up and say, "This is it. This is as good as it gets"? I'm asking because I really would like to know. If you think about it, we're all really treading the same path that's been treaded by billions of people before us and billions more will do the same after. We're born, grow up, get a job, get married, children and then, poof, death.

As a Christian, I know my life is somewhat different. My primary purpose is to know Jesus and make him known, right? Yet, why does it seem that there should be more? I'm filled with a sense of disquiet, of not settling and always reaching out because I so badly want to believe that there ought to be more. There is a struggle. I've been told that Jesus can fulfill my every need and desire yet, I bristle when I hear that because I don't quite believe that he can. Or if he can, it's not in the way that I would like to be fulfilled. Or, is it that I'm too full of self to look outwards and embrace all that's happening around me?

At some point, people realise (or decide) that maybe this is it. This is as good as it gets. Maybe I should take a leaf from their book and decide that this is it. This is as good as it gets. Who knows, maybe I'll have a better appreciation of my life once I've done that.