I was at a prayer meeting the other day. Inside, I was asking God to really talk to me about being single. I just wanted to know how or if this journey would end. It was so much easier when I wasn't a Christian. Then, I wasn't accountable to anyone but myself about my life or who I choose to spend it with. Being a Christian makes it more challenging. I've chosen to live a certain way and by certain rules, and as much as I chaff, I find that I cannot quite let go: I'm addicted to Jesus despite my many struggles with Him.
So, at that prayer meeting. I prayed for some light relief. God, just tell me when and if this single journey will be over. I'm weary. Following You has just been like one big albatross lately. As I prayed, I'm not kidding, I could hear a small voice talking within me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing; Your desire for a husband is from Me and I will tell you when the time comes to act on it.
Did I believe the Voice?
I wanted to.
Did I tell anyone at the prayer meeting what happened to me?
No.
Why was it so difficult for me to believe that God knows my legitimate desire to have someone of my own and would indeed grant it to me? If the Voice had said that I would be a millionaire in my 40s (not far off), I would've believed it. Why is it that when it comes to matters of the heart, I automatically back away and say to myself, 'Too good to be true. It's not going to happen'?
I want to believe. And maybe that's the problem. Wanting, not choosing to believe. So that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to choose to believe what the Voice told me. Even when I go to church and I see 40, 50+ year old never-married women and the evil one tells me I'll end up like them. I will not listen. I will believe what the Voice said because the alternative is far too painful and upsetting to think about.
Question of the week (from at least 3 people)
Isn't it time you stopped renting and bought your own place?
Answer of the week (from me)
I think:Why don't you just fuck off?
I say: When God makes a way.
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3 comments:
Love your honesty on responding from those asking you to buy a place.
And God will make a way soon.
I don't know what you are going through as a single christian woman.
I know what you feel as a single woman and personally I do not give a rat's arse what society says about my status. When the time is right, it will all click and fit like a nice pair of hot and sexy black stilletos that are also comfortable...
keep on keeping on
I liked it when u said u had to make a CHOICE to believe, wanting to believe is different from choosing to believe!!! Loved ur lil synopsis.
Also, loved how u turned ur human response into a Godly response.
Just keep waiting on God..."But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint...."(Isaiah 40:31)
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