How Not to be Judged

When I first became a Christian, I thought it was okay for me to blurb whatever situation I was facing at that time to anybody in church. After all, we're all Christians, right?

Wrong. It took me a while but I finally got the message; not everyone needs to know my business. There's also the small issue of people's response to my trials. Seeing as this blog is about my single journey, I'll limit my examples to just that part of my life.

On the relatively few occasions I've dared to open up my heart to friends about what I'm going through as a single person, responses have ranged from:

Jesus is your husband. Concentrate on serving Him

There is more to life than getting married.

Married people have problems too you know

Judging the time and people
Like I didn't know all that. It took me a lot of courage to open up to these people. I wanted encouragement and, I guess, reassurance that I wasn't weak for admitting that I sometimes felt lonely. The kind of lonely that a prayer session will not take away. The kind of lonely that cannot be alleviated by friends but that by that one special somebody. But more than that, by opening myself up to these people, I guess I wanted them to reassure me that my vulnerability was safe in their hands.

Obviously it wasn't. I've been in church a while and I've noticed that a lot of people like lording their spirituality over others. I've met many singles like that. They don't want to show that they go through challenges such as mine. They don't want to show their vulnerability because if they do, they're exposed and their safety net shattered. So they say, 'Jerusalem, I don't know why this is such a big deal for you because all you need is Jesus. With Jesus as the main man in your life, you wouldn't have this desire to be married.'

I don't know about them but does being a Christian mean not acknowledging your desires? By saying, God, I want to meet someone, settle down and all that stuff, does that mean I automatically forfeit my faith in The Main Man? Does a couple's desire to have children automatically forfeit their worship of Whom they serve?

I didn't think so either. I opened up to 2 people and clammed up straight after, vowing not to be so stupid in future. It's one of the reasons why I started this blog. It enables me to be real with myself, reflect and forces me to be visceral when needs must. And if my mailbox is anything to go by, I've struck a chord with many of you out there. Even non-Christians. A typical response is, you say what many of us are feeling or going through but do not have the courage to admit.

Only the brave
I'm not brave. If I was, I wouldn't be hiding behind an anonymous blog. I'm not proud either. Those who know me in real life will testify that I'm not. My aversion to single's conferences stems from a hearty dislike of being patronised and condescended to. Or maybe, it's the Pentecostal ones I have an aversion to. They've made an industry out of the singles market. On reflection, I think I'm probably like the single people I wrote about earlier. In public, they appear to be okay being single. They do not have seasons when it's an issue. Being single is just a label that's been slapped on them by other people. I have seasons like that as well but there are times when it's just so hard and it's a real strain carrying on. But carry on I must. Because it's what I do. It's what people do.