My Almost-Love

We met at a work conference. I'd heard a lot about him from mutual friends and vice versa. Initially, I didn't know who he was but the electricity sizzled between us when we were introduced. Everyone noticed it. It took some time but everything fell into place. We traded mutual friends' names and compared stories. And all I'm thinking is, 'Lord, I just want to sleep with this guy.'

Of course I knew what I was thinking. Of course I knew that I should reign in my lust but I didn't want to. I wanted to know what it was like to be held by a man again. I knew everything I was thinking contradicted my Christian faith but I was past caring. That day, I wanted to be wanted. In the evening, I called room service and asked for the guy's room number. It was given to me. I dialled the number. It kept on ringing. I dialled again. I don't know what I would've said if he'd picked the phone. I don't know if I would've gone all the way if he'd invited me to his bedroom. I don't know about the what-ifs but I found myself going to his floor when he didn't pick up his phone. When I got to his room, I stood in front of the door and lifted up my hand to knock when I saw a few fellow conference attendants approaching the corridor. I didn't wait. I bolted in the opposite direction. I was the good, Christian girl. The guy was known as a slut. I'm not sure I would've borne the shame if they'd seen me in front of the room.

What if
We met again a few weeks later. This time I was sure. He wasn't in lust with me. He wanted to get to know me. I wanted to get to know him too but couldn't. He had a history with too many of our acquaintances. Plus, he wasn't a Christian.

'If only we'd met years earlier,' he said. I nodded.

Today, we're friends. We talk and hang out together. He knows how precious he is in the sight of God although he hasn't made a decision for Christ yet. Once in a while, I catch him watching me with regret in his eyes and I look away. It wasn't meant to be. Instead, I look forward to the future. The one that God has in store for me. One filled with promises and assurances that He knows my heart and will give me my own prince, one after His heart.

Amen.